FILLING THE VACANCY: Since one phony Republican-funded straight man for the President's new conferences has been uncovered and resigned, cowering from the spotlight, there's one empty chair. Mad Kane has volunteered:

I've always fantasized about being a White House correspondent. But until now, I've never sought so lofty a position because -- silly me -- I assumed you had to be an actual journalist.

Now that I know otherwise, please consider this my application for White House press credentials. ...

Laugh at it all at "Dear Scotty".