WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING GALILEOS: Tom Burka has the latest breaking news.

The White House announced today that President Bush would henceforth determine the scientific curriculum to be taught in America's schools. ...

Bush was also skeptical about what he called "the notion of gravity." "I'm uncomfortable with teaching our children that bodies are attracted to each other," he said. "That seems like an unwholesome idea to put into children's heads, don't it?" He speculated that objects fall to the ground because "God wants them to."